this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
