My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Buhtt sex?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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