is your mom at the bar?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
