"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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