My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize