i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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