i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize