i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
