I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
