You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
