Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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