If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
