I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
