Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
