and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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