remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
