Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
