It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
