kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.