Sponge bath it is.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore