i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
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I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again