My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
