I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
