I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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