You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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