I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize