the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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