You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
