Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
