Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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