we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
