every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
