like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
