Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I need water and some morals
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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