dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
