He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
