The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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