Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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