hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
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Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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