I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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