i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
