Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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