i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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