I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
