my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I did not marry a roomba.
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