I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
