Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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