my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
