My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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