If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
