She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize