Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
