two words: eviction party
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
