My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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