its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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