So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
