Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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