My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
