hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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