That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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