Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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