Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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