I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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