I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
