I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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