Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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