They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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