i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
