U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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