I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
