I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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