do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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