god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
