Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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